Dreams
I left Donetsk early in May. That was the time when all my other friends who participated in Euromaidan meetings in Donetsk were arrested. I thought there were no reasons to wait for my turn, so I left the city.
I actually wanted to leave Donetsk right after I graduated from the university a couple of years ago. It was very unclear what to do next and where to work at that time. I thought that I might better go to Kyiv where there were some opportunities. But then in 2012 I found a job which I really loved with the NGO.DONETSK.US online publications. We did something no one else did in the region. We were unique. We were the only ones that published in Ukrainian. We also recorded videos of special programs for online broadcasting. It was a novelty and I loved it. I did not want to leave the city anymore. I found my niche in journalism and I really wanted to do something for my city.
It is too lofty to say that I`ve had to sacrifice all of it. But it`s true. We`ve all turned into some kind of snails, constantly carrying all our possessions on our backs. There is often nothing left besides a backpack on your back or a suitcase in your hands. We have homes in Donetsk, but the possibility of returning there is meager.
What is fear? This word is too emotional for me. I don`t know how to describe it. I fear that something happens to my relatives. I think it`s scary to sit in a prison cellar and hear how they kill your friends. I have not experienced that fear or apathy when nothing matters anymore. I don`t know.
What is joy? It is something small and something that surrounds us every day. When somebody treats you with a candy – that`s already joy. Happiness is something larger. It`s when you find some kind of balance in life, in what you do and how you live. It`s the lifestyle that you lead, your own, personal lifestyle. Happiness is when you like everything about your life.
What does a word ‘home’ mean? It`s an idea, an idea of a place where you can always come back no matter where you are, what you do, how you look. It`s a place where everyone is happy to see you. It`s a place of happiness. Home is happiness.
What do I dream about? It is difficult to answer. When I was a child I always made a wish when I saw a falling star, a wish about graduating from high school with highest grades so that my parents could be proud of me. Now when I see some kind of luck-giving monuments in various cities, the ones you need to rub and make a wish, then I wish we could all come back home, soon and without fear. This is what I dream about now.
